Anniversaries can be a time for reflection and hope. To humbly give pause. Whatever the milestone – XXII, VI, I, 6 months, 30 days, 1 day. Years or days or moments – all time passes, like life. Sober/high, ill/well, flush/broke, married/divorced, fear/love, the best and the worst of time passes.
Not knowing at the time, my last drink wasn’t spectacular. During my drinking/drugging life, fantasy was always grander than the reality. If the circumstances warranted, “the last” would have been just another after the mess was cleaned up. Again! On this Monday night at Cattle Company on 494 I was “suppose” to start the five-week outpatient treatment program. The idea was it would “look” good in court. The treatment canceled for the night because the temperature was unsafe for travel and the state basically shut down. I went to the bar….because that’s what you do. The emptiness of that large half drank beer is still vivid. The flash and fun had long run out. The cost always too great. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. The drink was pushed away and I went home.
Reflecting back on the journey I can say with complete certainty, time goes fast. Life is perfect with room for improvement. Shit hits the fan. Amazing moments happen. We show up in ways unimaginable before. Joy happens. In the journey. At different points quickly and often felt slowly. Always with hope for a better tomorrow.
- Holding my children as they were born.
- Wiping my mom’s last lonely tear as her life passed.
- Make and lost a few nickles.
- Feel love even when the heart gets broke.
- Raised two wonderful kids.
- Consistently run/exercise while nourishing my body, well.
- Walk through an early stage cancer scare.
- Helping another.
One Old-Timer (RIP Bill M.) gave me a card early on, it has since become my guiding principle. I am responsible for my own Karma/Kamma.
Last night, a regular night with my kids, we shared moments of laughter about our super wonderful dog, Rebos, that had passed a while back. The depth of gratitude felt for these “regular” moments is immeasurable. I get life today. Free! In all it’s wonderful messiness.
Thank you to the people and pieces that have been in place that allowed me to learn.
NOTE: You will potentially see a shit ton of errors, misspellings, and grammatical opportunities in my writing. Some intentional. Some not. Offer input on the not by editing this post here. Thank you!!